You can’t rely on anyone.
You don’t want to consult anyone.
You can’t trust people.
Working is difficult too.
You can’t even go to the hospital.
The mere thought of welfare benefits or support systems makes your heart strongly reject them.
In human relationships, anger comes out.
Even though you don’t want to hurt anyone, even though you don’t want to break things, you simply can’t stay involved.
Someone in that state may be told, from the outside, something like this.
“You should talk to someone”
“You should go to the hospital”
“You should apply for welfare”
“If you don’t trust people, nothing can begin”
“If you keep rejecting everything that much, nothing will change”
But there are people whom such ordinary words never reach.
Because they are not simply being stubborn.
Because they are not just disliking people, and not just running away from society.
That person is probably carryingsomething that could only be protected by going that farinside them.
Something that could only be protected by not relying on anyone.
Something that could only be protected by not consulting anyone.
Something that could only be protected by distancing themselves from human relationships.
Something that had to be protected even through anger.
Something that could only be protected by keeping distance from hospitals, systems, and support.
And perhaps, beneath all of that, their true feelings are there.
This article is not here to say, “Let’s rely on someone.”
It is not here to say, “Let’s consult someone.”
It is not here to say, “Let’s trust people.”
This article is here to help you notice the things you have protected by going that far.
“I can’t rely on anyone” may have been your reality
You can’t rely on anyone.
If you rely on someone, you get hurt.
So you have no choice but to protect yourself, even if that means rejecting everything.
If these words resonate even a little, you are not simply isolated.
There must have been reasons inside you for feeling that way.
You relied on people and got hurt.
You consulted someone and were rejected.
You showed weakness and were used.
You spoke honestly and were blamed.
You asked for help and only felt more miserable.
You trusted and were betrayed.
You got close and were controlled.
You expected something and it broke.
When such experiences accumulate, the heart learns.
Depending on people is dangerous.
Talking to someone is dangerous.
Showing your vulnerability is dangerous.
Expecting anything from people is dangerous.
Revealing what matters to you is dangerous.
From the outside, this feeling may be called “a misconception.”
But on the inside, it was surely real.
So first, you don’t have to deny this.
For you, “I can’t rely on anyone” was not just a mistaken thought.
For you, “If I rely on someone, I’ll get hurt” was not just paranoia.
Your mind and body made a survival judgment based on past experience.
I think it’s fair to see it that way.
Maybe you rejected things so you wouldn’t break
The word rejection is often treated as something bad.
Rejecting people.
Rejecting support.
Rejecting consultation.
Rejecting hospitals.
Rejecting systems.
Rejecting society.
But was that rejection really only bad?
Maybe without that rejection, you would have been in even greater danger.
You might have gotten too close to someone and been hurt even more deeply.
You might have kept swallowing your anger and broken yourself.
You might have continued relationships until they turned into irreparable conflict.
You might have accepted shallow advice and lost sight of your true feelings.
You might have trusted someone you should never have trusted and been controlled even more.
You might have had the precious things inside you completely trampled.
Seen that way, rejection is not just running away.
Rejection was your defense.
Rejection was your boundary.
Rejection was your last resort for protecting yourself.
Rejection may have been the distance that kept you from causing an incident.
Rejection may have been the lifeline that kept you from being completely shattered.
So first, you can say this.
I wasn’t simply rejecting things.
I was protecting myself.
There was something inside me that could only be protected by going that far.
What you have protected that far
This is the most important part of this article.
What exactly have you been protecting?
Even while rejecting people.
Even while rejecting consultation.
Even while rejecting hospitals.
Even while rejecting systems.
Even while stepping away from work.
Even while narrowing your relationships.
Even while using anger.
Even while choosing solitude.
What was it that could only be protected by going that far?
It may have been dignity.
It may have been integrity.
It may have been sensitivity to life.
It may have been your true feelings.
It may have been an ethic that refuses to treat others carelessly.
It may have been a desire not to be stained by human shallowness.
It may have been your final space that you never wanted trampled by anyone.
It may have been the pure things that remained inside you.
It may have been your own true answer.
From the outside, people cannot see that.
They only see your rejection.
They only see your anger.
They only see that you can’t work.
They only see that you don’t consult anyone.
They only see that you don’t go to the hospital.
They only see that you don’t use systems.
But in truth, there must be something you have been protecting beneath all that.
You may have chosen a path that others could not understand in order to protect it.
People who won’t be saved by ordinary right answers
“Let’s consult someone.”
“Let’s get support.”
“Let’s trust people.”
“Let’s connect with society.”
“When things are hard, ask for help.”
For some people, these words are a救い.
But for others, they are no help at all.
Because too often, those words do not understand what that person has been protecting.
Why that person doesn’t consult anyone.
Why they avoid people.
Why they reject hospitals.
Why they can’t use systems.
Why they keep distance through anger.
Why they choose solitude.
If you ignore that and just say, “You should consult someone,” it won’t reach them.
Rather, they may feel this.
There it is again—another generalization.
Again, no one looked at what’s beneath the surface.
Again, I was pushed into the mold of a normal person.
Again, what I’ve been protecting was ignored.
Of course no one understands.
So what people like this need is not general advice.
What they need is
words that touch the things they have protected that farto be respected too
Not consulting anyone.
Not sharing your troubles with people.
Not asking for advice.
Thinking things through only within yourself.
Not wanting your own sense of things disturbed by other people’s words.
I think there are people who choose that way of being.
Others may immediately label them as “someone who can’t consult.”
But is that really true?
They may not be unable to consult—they may simply not want to.
They may not feel the need to consult anyone.
The form of consultation itself may simply not suit them.
And that is not wrong.
In the world, people often say, “Don’t carry it alone,” or “Talk to someone.”
Of course, some people are saved by those words.
Some people can sort things out by talking.
Some people feel a little lighter when someone holds what they say.
But consultation is not a救い for everyone.
Some people were hurt even more by consulting.
Some spoke up with courage, only to be met with shallow right answers.
Some found their feelings misunderstood and became even lonelier.
Some were imposed upon by the other person’s values and lost sight of their own voice.
Some people feel even the phrase “You should consult someone” carries the scent of control or intrusion.
For people with such experiences, not consulting is not running away.
It is
a choice to protect their own sense of thingsnot to speak to others.Not to ask for advice.
To think things through within themselves.
Not to hand over their own sense of things to other people.
To avoid having their answers dirtied by someone else’s words.
Those are not weakness.
If anything, they may be a quiet strength for protecting the precious things inside.
What matters is not whether you consult or not.
What matters is
whether you are getting closer to the answers you truly need
Fear of people may actually be a refusal to engage because human ugliness is too visibleWhat lies beneath distrust of people is not always simply the feeling that people are scary.For some, it is less fear than
I don’t want to be involved with people anymore.
I’ve come to know human ugliness.
People’s shallowness and hypocrisy are too visible.
Even when they say kind things on the surface, I can see the selfishness underneath.
If it means touching that, I’d rather be alone.
I think some people feel that way.
This is not a simple matter of “disliking people.”
Nor is it merely arrogance or looking down on others.
Rather, they may be someone who sees more deeply than others.
They may notice contradictions and insincerity beneath things more readily than others do.
They may demand true respect and integrity more strongly than others do.
That is why what is generally called “normal,” “kindness,” “love,” or “consideration” can seem shallow to them.
For example, someone says they “cherish” a pet, but it looks like they’re really just handling it for their own convenience.
Someone says they “cherish” family, but they don’t truly respect the other person’s heart.
Someone says, “This is for your own good,” but in fact they seem to be imposing their own anxiety or desire to control.
Someone says, “Poor thing,” but seems to feel safe by looking down on the other person.
Someone says, “I want to help,” but seems to use the other person to prove how right they are.
For someone who can see such things, relationships are exhausting.
They can’t let slide what other people pass over without a thought.
They can’t accept what many people say is “just how it is.”
They feel strong disgust toward surface-level kindness, convenient goodwill, and unconscious control.
In that case, distancing themselves from people is not simply because they are afraid.
It is also because they don’t want the deep sense of respect and integrity inside them stained any further.
And when that overlaps with past wounds, rejection of people becomes even stronger.
Someone who already feels deeply gets hurt deeply.
Someone who already seeks integrity is exposed to insincerity.
Someone who wants to cherish life and heart keeps seeing reality handled carelessly.
Someone who wants to respect others experiences not being respected themselves.
At that point, it becomes not just “I’m afraid of people,” but
I’m already fed up with human beings.
I don’t want to touch people’s shallowness.
I don’t want to see human ugliness.
I don’t want the precious things inside me hurt any further.
That state is not coldness.
It may rather be the response of a deeply wounded sincerity.
Beyond disappointment in humanity lies a heart that still seeks something real
People who can see human ugliness are probably not saying all humans are ugly.
What they really think is something like this.
Humans should be able to respect one another more deeply.
Humans should be able to be more sincere.
Why can’t people treat each other so carelessly?
Why can’t they see life as more than something light?
Why don’t they try to truly see the other person’s heart?
Why are they satisfied with superficial kindness?
Why can they so easily make others fit their convenience?
In other words, they may not want to abandon humanity completely, but
they are deeply disappointed in humanity
If there is no expectation, there is no disappointment.
If there is no desire to respect, shallowness won’t wound you.
If you didn’t seek what is real, you wouldn’t feel such disgust toward the fake.
So beneath that rejection, there is still something precious that has been protected.It may be integrity.It may be respect.
It may be sensitivity to life.
It may be an ethic that refuses to treat others carelessly.
It may be a deep sense of love that cannot be satisfied by surface-level kindness.
You don’t have to deny even that feeling.
Rather, that feeling is one of the most important parts that still remains in you.
The problem is not that feeling is wrong.
Nor is it that the feeling is too deep.
It’s just that when that deep sensitivity overlaps with past wounds, almost the whole world can start to look unbearable.
What you are protecting may be your deepest wish
People don’t desperately protect things that truly don’t matter to them.
Not to the point of relying on no one.
Not to the point of rejecting people.
Not to the point of refusing to consult anyone.
Not to the point of anger breaking out.
Not to the point of being willing to remain alone.
Not to the point of protecting it even while stepping away from society.
What you are protecting that far is something very important to you.
It may not be your weakness, but your core.
For example, you may truly not want to treat anyone carelessly.
So you may not be able to tolerate people or a society that treats you carelessly.
You may truly want to respect life deeply.
So the unawareness of people who treat life lightly may be unbearable to you.
You may truly know what real affection is.
So convenient affection or controlling kindness may look disgusting to you.
You may truly want to be deeply sincere.
So surface-level conversation and shallow advice may be unbearable to you.
You may truly not want to lose your dignity.
So the feeling of being placed below someone when relying on them may be intolerable.
You may truly want to protect your true feelings.
So you may not want your inner world dirtied by other people’s words.
What you are protecting is both the cause of the problem and
the doorway to your real wishes
Anger may not be a force that destroys, but a force that protects
People who erupt in impulsive anger are often suffering themselves.
They don’t want to be angry.
But they become angry anyway.
They don’t want to hurt anyone.But the words won’t stop.They don’t want to destroy the relationship.
But they end up destroying it.
They regret it afterward.
But in the moment, they can’t stop.
Others may look only at that anger and judge them as aggressive.
But is that anger really only attack?
Maybe that anger is arising to protect something inside you.
You felt your dignity was trampled.
You felt your true feelings were treated lightly.
You sensed the presence of control.
You felt you were being handled carelessly.
You came into contact with the other person’s hypocrisy or unconscious cruelty.
Something precious inside you was about to be dirtied.
A boundary inside you reacted: don’t come any further.
Anger may be your boundary.
Anger may be your alarm.
Anger may be the final voice saying, “Don’t touch that.”
Of course, you do need to stop anger from hurting others, breaking things, or putting yourself or someone else in danger.
That part must never be taken lightly.
But if you make anger itself the villain, you will lose sight of what was being protected inside you.
What matters is not only to erase anger.
What was my anger trying to protect?
What did I feel had been trampled?
What did I not want dirtied?
What was it that I truly valued?
That is what you need to look at.
There is something protected even in not being able to go to the hospital
People who can’t go to the hospital are often told, “You should just go.”
But for people in a complex psychological state, the hospital is not a simple place.
Making an appointment.
Going outside.
Speaking at reception.
Waiting in the waiting room.
Explaining things to a doctor you’ve never met.
Putting your past or symptoms into words.
Maybe being diagnosed.
Maybe being prescribed medicine.
Maybe being rejected.
Maybe being treated lightly.
Maybe not being able to explain yourself well and being misunderstood.
Just thinking about these things can make some people’s hearts refuse.
That refusal is not mere laziness.
Maybe by not going to the hospital, you are protecting something.
You don’t want your sense of things reduced to a careless diagnosis.
You don’t want your suffering brushed off with an easy label.
You don’t want to be handled only with medication.
You don’t want yourself forced into someone else’s framework.
You don’t want to be misunderstood because you can’t explain things well.
You don’t want the deeper things inside you treated shallowly.
If that is how you feel, then there are reasons you can’t go to the hospital.
Of course, when there is danger involving life or safety, medical or emergency support may be necessary.
Still, before blaming yourself for not going to the hospital in ordinary circumstances, ask yourself this.
What am I trying to protect by not going to the hospital?
What do I not want done to me?
What do I feel people won’t understand?
How do I not want my suffering handled?
Perhaps your true feelings are hidden there.
There is something protected even in rejecting welfare and systems
Even when they are struggling financially, some people feel a strong resistance to welfare or support systems.
That also cannot always be explained by ignorance or pride alone.
I’m afraid to go to the office.
I don’t want to explain my circumstances.
I feel like I’ll be looked down on.
I feel like I’ll be blamed.
If they refuse me, I don’t think I can recover.
I feel like I’ll become a finished person.
I feel like I’ll be managed by others.
I feel like they’ll intrude on my life.
It feels like handing over my dignity.
When you feel that way, a system no longer feels like something that helps you, but like a place where you expose yourself.
So even if someone says, “Just take it,” your heart doesn’t move.
There must also be something protected beneath that rejection.
Dignity.
Freedom.
Your own control over your life.
Not wanting to be judged by others.
The feeling that you don’t want to be placed beneath someone.
The fear that “in exchange for help, I have to hand myself over.”
Maybe you are trying to protect those things.
So before blaming yourself for not being able to use systems, first see it this way.
Maybe I am not rejecting the system, but trying to protect my dignity.
On that basis, when the time comes that you really need it, you may eventually be able to see the system not as a place to hand yourself over, but as
a tool to protect your life
Still, you do not have to decide that right now.
What matters first is knowing the real fear and the real wish beneath the rejection.
There is something protected even in not being able to work
People who can’t work often blame themselves harshly.
I’m socially defective.
I’m lazy.I can’t do what normal people can do.Relationships are impossible.
Workplaces are impossible.
I can’t control my anger.
I can’t consult anyone.
I’m beyond help.
But work is not simply doing tasks.
It means interacting with people.
Taking instructions.
Being evaluated.
Being corrected.
Having your own pace disrupted.
Enduring unfairness.
Suppressing your emotions.
Reading the atmosphere.
Entering rough human relationships.
There are times when you have to temporarily set aside your dignity and your own sense of things.
If you are sensitive to people’s shallowness and insincerity, carry deep emotional wounds, and have kept your distance from others to protect what matters inside you, working becomes an enormous burden.
Not being able to work may not just be a matter of willpower.
You may feel that working will break what matters most to you.
You may feel that working will make you controlled again.
You may feel that working will make you handled carelessly again.
You may feel that working will force you to abandon your true sense of things.
In that case, you may not be rejecting work so much as
protecting something that still remains inside you
So the first thing to look at is not “how to work,” but
What do I feel I would lose by working?
What kind of relationships can’t I tolerate?
What kind of treatment don’t I want?
What kind of environment would allow me to protect what matters to me?
That is the question.
“Changing” does not mean throwing away your defensesThere is something I don’t want you to misunderstand here.This article is not saying, “It’s fine to keep rejecting everything forever.”
It is not saying, “It’s fine to stay angry.”
It is not saying, “Even if your life falls apart, you don’t have to connect with anyone.”
But changing does not mean throwing away your defenses.
The defenses you built over so long have been protecting you.
If someone suddenly tells you to throw them away, it’s only natural for your heart to resist.
So what you need is not to destroy your defenses.
What you need is
to find the real feelings beneath them
Before erasing anger, see what anger was protecting.
Before stopping rejection, see what rejection was protecting.
Before deciding whether to consult anyone, see what not consulting was protecting.
Before deciding whether to go to the hospital, see what was protected by rejecting the hospital.
Before deciding whether to use a system, see the dignity that was protected by rejecting it.
If you try to change your behavior without seeing that, you’ll betray yourself.
But if you see that first, new options may begin to appear little by little.
What you may need first is not “support,” but “your own answer”
Generally, people say that when you’re suffering, the important thing is to connect with support.Of course, sometimes that is necessary.
But for someone rejecting things this deeply, what is needed first may not be outside support.
What may be needed first is
to touch the real answer inside yourself
What have I been protecting?
What have I been hurt by?
What feels shallow to me?
What do I not want dirtied?
What do I truly want to cherish?
When do I feel anger?
When do I think I don’t want to be involved anymore?
What would I rather be alone than lose?
There lies the person’s true feelings.No generalization is needed.No shallow encouragement is needed.
No right answer is needed.
No “normally, you do this” is needed.
What is needed is for you to find what lies deep inside you.
What I want you to ask yourself
Even if no one else sees them, if you can write them down, please write these questions.
What have I protected by relying on no one?
What have I protected by not consulting anyone?
What have I protected by rejecting people?
What was I trying to protect by getting angry?
What am I protecting by not going to the hospital?
What am I protecting by not using systems?
What am I unable to tolerate so much that I can’t work?
What kind of human shallowness wounds me the most?
What kind of respect do I truly seek?
What is the one thing I absolutely do not want dirtied?
What is the thing I wanted to protect even if it meant going this far?
You don’t need the answer right away.
In fact, answers that come too quickly may be shallow.
Take your time.
You can take days, weeks, or months.
That answer is not something to be graded by anyone.
It is not something to explain to anyone.
It is for you to know what lies beneath your own surface.
If you want to speak to someone
If someone close to you is in a state like this, don’t speak in generalities.
“Just consult someone.”
“Just go to the hospital.”
“Just get welfare.”
“You have to work.”
“You should trust people.”
“You should try not to get angry.”
These words usually won’t reach them.
If you speak, you need words aimed deeper.
I think there’s something you’ve protected that far.
I don’t think what you’re rejecting is just stubbornness.
By relying on no one, maybe you were protecting something.
There must be a reason, your own reason, for not consulting anyone.
Maybe even your anger is coming out to protect something important.
You don’t have to change forcefully; first, I think it’s enough to just find out what you’ve been protecting.
I don’t want to put you back into a normal mold; I want to respect what you truly wanted to protect.
Words like that may have some chance of reaching them.
What matters is not trying to change the other person.
Not trying to break their defenses.
Not treating their rejection as just a problem.
Respecting what that person has been protecting.
However, please make one exception when there is danger
So far, we have respected not consulting, rejecting, and defending.
However, this one is the exception.
If right now you are
about to hurt yourself.
about to hurt someone else.
about to break things.
unable to stop your anger.
overwhelmed by a strong wish to die.
haven’t slept for days.
feeling detached from reality.
unable to stop yourself anymore.
then this is beyond the stage of carrying it alone.
At that moment, the priority is not “Do I want to consult someone?” but
making sure you are safe
That does not mean denying your defenses.
Rather, it is an action that truly protects the things you have been guarding all along.
So that no incident happens.
So you don’t break yourself.
So you don’t hurt someone else.
So it doesn’t become something irreversible.
Only when there is danger, use whatever means are available right there and then to stop it: a nearby person, emergency contact points, ambulances, police, fire services, and so on.
That is not defeat.
That too is an act of protecting yourself and what matters to you.
Summary: In what you’ve protected so far, there is your true selfYou can’t rely on anyone.If you rely on someone, you get hurt.
So you have no choice but to protect yourself, even if that means rejecting everything.
If you feel that way, there is definitely something beneath it.
Something you had to protect that far.
Something you kept protecting even when no one understood.
Something you couldn’t let go of even if it meant being alone.
Something you tried to protect even through anger.
Something you protected by not consulting anyone.
Something you protected by not involving yourself with people.
It may be your dignity.
It may be your integrity.
It may be your sensitivity to life.
It may be your heart’s desire for what is real.
It may be your true feelings.
It may be your wish to respect deeply.
It may be the most important part of you that you do not want anyone to stain.
So you are not simply broken.
You have been protecting yourself.
And within what you have protected lies your true feelings.
There are people whom general advice cannot save.
There are people whom ordinary advice cannot reach.
For some people, words like “consult someone,” “trust people,” or “go to the hospital” only push them farther away.
For such people, what may be needed first is not moving outward.
First, moving inward.
Learning what they have been protecting.
Finding the true feelings beneath their rejection.
Knowing the precious thing beneath their anger.
Receiving once more, on their own, what they did not want dirtied.
I think that is enough to begin with.
You don’t have to trust people.
You don’t have to consult anyone.
You don’t have to go to the hospital right now.
You don’t have to use a system right now.
You don’t have to work right now.
First, it is enough to ask yourself this.
What have I been protecting all this time?
Inside that answer lies your true feelings.
And those true feelings are perhaps
the first light that will help you from here on
more than anything else.
ඔ
我
have you got to this?
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