[Introduction]
🔎 “Why are my feelings and thoughts being decided for me?”
Have you ever experienced, at school, at work, on social media, or in friendships, being told as if someone knew your true feelings and intentions completely, or being judged negatively without basis?
Even though you did nothing wrong, somehow your reputation went down or you were misunderstood by those around you—
Many people have probably worried, “Am I really that kind of person?”
In this article, we will explain, as much as possible from the victim’s perspective, the reality of the harm caused by such “assumptions,” the psychological background behind it, and how to protect your mind when you are affected by it.
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1. People who manipulate impressions by making assumptions like “That person thinks this way”
The unreasonable cruelty of having even your “feelings” and “thoughts” arbitrarily decided for you
- “That person must really think this way”
- “You’re actually the kind of person who does this, aren’t you?”
- “I heard that Mr./Ms. XX is thinking this behind the scenes”
In this way, there are people who, as if they can “read” other people’s minds perfectly, assert feelings, thoughts, and intentions, and spread them around to others.
What’s more, those assumptions are often negative and tend to create a bad impression.
This is how “bad rumors” and “impression manipulation” happen behind the person’s back.
The victim is treated as a villain despite “doing nothing”
Even though they have actually done nothing wrong,
they may be misunderstood as “somehow unpleasant” or “someone doing something shady behind the scenes,” leading to isolation and loss of trust.
This is truly an unreasonable and painful experience.
2. Why do some people make such assumptions and manipulate impressions?
Psychological traits of people who make assumptions
People who engage in this kind of assumption-making and impression manipulation usually have the following psychological background.
■ Lacking confidence in themselves
- They try to maintain their position by putting others down.
- They cannot honestly accept other people’s success or bright side.
■ Cognitive distortions and the psychology of “projection”
- They project their own anxiety, jealousy, anger, and other feelings onto other people (i.e., projection).
- They see things only in extremes, as either black or white, and cannot tolerate gray areas.
■ Falling into delusional beliefs
- Once they have made up their mind, they refuse to believe anything, no matter what explanation they hear.
- They involve those around them and spread their own assumptions as if they were “facts.”
3. This is how the “harm” from assumption-based impression manipulation occurs
1. Pretending to be an “esper” and making bold claims spreads as if it were “fact”
- By confidently saying things like, “That person definitely thinks this way” or “I can tell,” listeners may think, “Is that really true?” but still somehow believe it.
- What started as mere “rumor” takes on a life of its own, and even if there is no evidence, it gets treated as if it were the truth.
2. No one listens to the explanation, and the labeling accelerates
- No matter how much the victim denies it, they are told things like, “No, there’s definitely something behind it,” and no one listens to them.
- The victim becomes increasingly isolated and may eventually be treated as the “villain” or the “scapegoat.”
4. To you, who have been harmed by assumptions—what you can do to protect yourself
Pause and ask, “Is this really my problem?”
- You do not need to take every assumption or bad rumor from others as entirely “your fault.”
- Often, the other person is simply projecting their own feelings and values onto you.
Do not accept what you are told as “the truth”
- Just because the other person states something with confidence does not mean it accurately reflects who you really are.
- It is also important to create some distance in your mind and think, “Isn’t that just your assumption?”
If you are unbearably hurt, talk to someone you trust
- Do not carry it all by yourself; talk about your feelings with someone who understands the situation or with a third party who can look at it objectively.
- If necessary, it can also be effective to consult a specialist or counselor.
5. Could you be doing this too? To avoid becoming the one who makes assumptions
Reflect on yourself: are you hurting others by thinking you “know” them?
- Are you deciding that someone is “this kind of person” based only on fragmentary information or your own values?
- Are you interpreting things on your own without hearing the person’s side?
Stay humble and value an attitude of listening
- No one can ever fully know another person’s inner world or true feelings.
- Keep room for the possibility that you may be wrong, and make a point of listening carefully to what the other person says.
[Conclusion] To protect your true “self” and your relationships
Even if you are unfairly hurt by someone’s “assumptions” or “impression manipulation,” it does not mean that you are the one at fault.
People often judge others through the projection of their own minds and assumptions, but that can also destroy someone’s life and heart.
No one else determines your essence.
What matters is “believing in yourself,” “distinguishing facts from opinions,” and “not trampling into other people’s minds with your shoes on.”
If you have been harmed, do not let that unfairness crush you; value the perspective, distance, and safe place that help protect you.
And to avoid becoming the one who “decides” other people, having humility and imagination—
that will surely be a step toward protecting yourself and the people who matter to you.
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